Saturday, September 15, 2007

Big Time Doucheing

So I've worked in event management for a number of years. The Riversharks gave me an experience I will never forget (working 100 hours a week and only getting about 2 bucks an hour). I've been spat on for "not doing my job" and been furiously yelled at for "not doing something right"

What I've realized is normal people don't realize shit. And yes, I'm classifying myself as not normal and above average people. It is not because of my SAT scores or my education. It's because the more I work in athletics, the more I realize normal people are freaking stupid and weird. And this does not exclude people who have graduated from what seems like reasonable institutuions. But when you do not know what you are talking about, please, especially when I'm a few beers deep, do not come into my office and yell at me for something you have no idea about.

Let me explain.

I work in college athletics right now. Footbal is our big sport (according to our coaches) but in reality, they suck. They haven't had a winning record in years. But because they are big meat headed football players and have the biggest roster, they think they are the shit, like most losing football programs. The worst about this is not only do the players think they are big shit, but so do the coaches. So when one of the coaches (read graduate assitants) comes into my office wondering why the program isn't a certain way (read shouldn't you be wondering why you're not producing a winning team) it gets me a little fired up. I mean come on, the last of your worries is what a few people read during the game. Does it matter where you came from? Absoultely not. You are here right now. Start acting like it.

My biggest pet peeve about this whole ordeal is people who do not know what they are talking about. Don't come to me asking for more shit when it's not possible. You think I know what the budget means? Hell no. But what I do understand is that we only have a limited amount of space, and sorry, football sucks here, so go fuck yourslef under a peach tree. We are not here to suck on the teet of just football, we're more of a pimp. We're here to suck on the teet of everyone. Stop putting us in a relationship you fucks.

Anyway, what I'm really saying is if you don't know what's going on, don't say anything.

Until next time,

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Much A Do About Lots Of Things

Alright, well, there's a lot to talk about.

Old People Smell Like Play-Doh.

That's right. This is a revelation I had over the weekend. It's not something I contemplated about while eating a turkey sandwhich, it's something I experienced in person. Now I'm jumping the gun saying that all old people smell like Play-Doh. Only the weird ones do. Normal old people smell like baby powder. But it's something about these weird creepy people that are hard core football fans here that just bring out the Doh in the nostrals. I had to spend an hour and a half each way to Iona college with these goons. The only other people on the bus were the football players girlfriends, so I didn't really want to talk to them. They aren't exactly interested in talking to a sweaty "older" guy (one of them called me sir) running the fan club bus trip. I had creepy written all over me, especially sitting with the old people. But I have a girlfriend, so it all works out.

Sneaky Hotness

I've noticed in my two months here that there are a lot of girls that are sneaky hot. These are the type of girls that normally just dress in gym shorts and a t-shirt with their hair always up. But when you go out to a bar or club with them, you just have to do a triple look and air speak to your buddy "Wow, she is really hot." The thing with the sneakies is that after you notice their deception, it makes them in their normal raggy clothes even hotter for some odd reason. I think it's because when you get down to it, you know there's a knock out temptress that likes under there.

Now with the sneaky hot, you get the sneaky not. These sneakiesI do not like. These are the kind that look way hot in they gym, but thats only because they have their boobs pushed up as much as possible and are wearing make-up (again, you're in the gym). When they go out they got the ol' grand ma sag and just generally do not live up to the expectations you had. When you make yourself up in the gym, it takes away from the impact that you have when you go out, which sucks. I'm in a look, don't touch situation. Boo to you sneaky nots.

Same Name Suzies

I've noticed that all the Stat Rats around here are either named Nikki or they have a tatoo of a cross on their upper arm or their calf. Why? Thats all for this one.

Work Out Woes

Here's a tip when you're working out. Do not find it a good idea to do moderate ab exercises (moderate ab ex's for me is like short ab ex's for a person who is really in shape) or run four miles on a track after eating a number of peices of chocolate cake with chocolate doubled on top. I'm no physicist, but I realized today that running and ab workouts mean contractions on the lower abdomen. When you're full, this is not something you want to do unless you're near a bathroom, which I was not. Needless to say, I ran faster.

That's a quick re-cap/point of view for now. I got lots to do.

Until next time,

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Under vs. Grad: The Tale of Confusion

So I've been in the graduate life for a few weeks and have noticed many differences between being a graduate vs. being an undergraduate. Here are a few of the things I've noted:

The Less Fun Factor

Some of the greatest perks of being an undergrad is to basically get out of class and grab either a frisbee or a beer and have a good time. As I walk around campus, I notice all these kids having lots of fun while I'm running around trying to get work done before I have to go to night class. By the time I come home, I'm so tired and worthless that all I do is fall right to sleep, only to wake up and get work done before another night class. Where is the fun in that? Sure I can hit up the bars and get wasted and drink my problems away, but being a grad student means I have even less money to get drunk. Which leads to my next observation

The (Non) Hook Up Factor

One of the greatest accomplishments on a college guy's list to do is hook up with amazing hot chicks out of their league and too drunk to notice. Now I'm not one to be looking for this since I'm in a great relationship, but with that kind of pressure/fun out of the picture, it makes one to worry less about appearance. Even if you're in a relationship, you want to look good so girls don't go "aww man, another hobo got onto campus. Call security." The point is to look good incase you fuck up in the current relationship you are in. I have red hair, it's bound to happen, it's happened before. If in any case she decides to not take me back, you have to think about the reputation you've put forth on the people around you. You have to think about the "just incase" factor.

Also, since I am a grad student and work with athletes, I can not even hook up with the undergrad or I could face possible termination from the program (I've heard tales of people doing it and not even that well under the radar, but again, I have red hair, it's bound to blow up in my face if it happens). If you have ever gone through the process of getting your MBA, you will know that the creme of the crop of women are long gone. There are the occasional hotties, but those are the up tight one step away from being a lesbian feminist who is doing this to show the world that women can do it too. And then the rest are ugos and girls taken way long ago (I am generalizing, there are exceptions, but for hilarity/interest sake, lets make believe there are not exceptions). This leaves any possible post I'm an idiot and got dumped hook ups very minimal in this town. And if I've learned one thing from Superbad, it's that women you meet in bars are whores. Literal whores.

The Old Man Factor

Now I am only 22, but with my hair line and my gut (that has been sized down, but still serves as a good pillow) I look like I'm, say 30. The one thing that I have to do due to my Communications undergrad degree is take an undergrad accounting class so that I can take Managerial Accounting. This puts me in a class with freshman and sophomores. I see that anytime I am asked to answer a question, people turn around to my small desk in the back of the room (where else would the old guy sit) and get whispers of "why the hell is that old guy in the room. And why is he so sweaty?" This makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I have to plow through them. Again, I'm getting my MBA for free.

Those are a few things I've generally noticed. I jotted them down just now. I'm tired and have two legs screaming at me for running 4 miles after doing nothing but eating cake and drinking for the last two weeks. So I appologize for nothing (except to my girlfriend if she is reading this. You're the best).

Until next time,