Saturday, October 20, 2007

Just A Few Thoughts

Just A Few Thoughts:

The word ACCESS. What is the deal with you word? You think you can get away with using the letter C in the hard and soft tense while being placed in duplicate in one word? You've got to be kidding me. The letter C pisses me off in general. It's like a pop artist that was brought in just because they could be "marketed." Figure out what you want to sound like already and stop stealing from K and S. Sure you are before them, Carlos Mencia, but just because you are trying to Indian Give the shit out of stuff doesn't make you popular.

I think breaking up with someone that you really have no problems with and are generally not ready for is worse than being dumped. When I think about it, my recent break-up is because of how little time I have for a relationship and not because I "accidentally-banged-a-latino-transvestite-when-all-my-roomates-swore-it-was-you-so-now-I-might-have-AIDS-and-need-t0-break-up-with-you," reason. Reasons like that I can fess up to and realize, "you know what reds, you fucked up and it was your fault." Or break-ups where the girl is a total freak and can't keep her craziness in. Dumping girls like that is like picking between blue berry pancakes and blue berry pop tarts. It's a no brainer. But the ones that are totally no one's fault, the ones that only happened due to bad timing, the ones that end with you finally getting through that stage and ready to settle back down only to find the ex not only more satisfied in life with a new man (who can satisfy her in more ways than you ever could due to a better sense of humor and an extra inch or three) is terrifying. I'm going through that right now and the only real regiment is to work more to justify the move and to eat tons of blueberry pancakes, just because we've already established the glory a BBC can bring a person.

I am sober (no really, I am)

Friday, October 19, 2007

The George McFly Syndrome

A quick one:

If you know someone who always demands WAY more than he/she deserves and has no right to ask for anything near he/she is asking for, I suggest calling it the George McFly syndrome. For those who don't know, the actor that played George McFly in Back to the Future asked for twice as much money and goods to do BTTF II and III and that is why they killed him off in the second one.

I already know a few people I will be using the term on.


The Ultimate Fight

So I took my first mid-afternoon nap for the first time in five weeks and it was everything I thought it'd be. It wasn't the best nap, but I'd place it right between being able to take a warm bath of blueberry syrup with pancakes on hand for dipping and being able to using the Assault course from American Gladiators for shits and giggles (those things may not seem good to you, possibly even weird and disgusting, but then again, I have red hair).

Because of this bliss-filled treat, I am now still wide awake at 3 AM. Since we finally figured out how to hook up our DVD player, I figured I'd pop in a movie. Two movies I've been craving to watch have been two of my all time favorites: Fight Club and American History X. Now while taking my post nap poo (which was also enjoyable) I got to pondering. If they were real life people, who could fuck the other's day up more, Tyler Durden or Derek Vinyard. Then if you think deeper into it, you are judging Edward Norton vs. Edward Norton. Now, I know Brad Pitt played Tyler Durden in the movie, but remember, we are talking about the characters here, and Edward Norton's Character IS Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt is just the figment.

This seems like a no brainer to most due to Fight Club being higher on most guys All Time list than History X. But there a few factors going in here.

1. Derek (Edward Norton in X) is just as (possibly even more ripped) than Tyler (Brad Pitt in Club). Durden was lean and cut, Derek is just straight up jacked. Point Derek.

2. What do the characters stand for? Durden is curb stomping blacks, hispanics and any other non-white race. Durden is against WASP rich folk who run corporate America and the like. No Point: Tie

3. Durden was a leader. Derek seems like one, but in the end he was really brain washed by a really old white southern guy. Point Durden.

4. Derek got ass raped in prison. Durden felt no pain. Point Durden.

5. Durden was a man's man that everyone wanted to be in a non-metrosexual way. Derek was a man's man that only a racist-fat-guy-who-plays-a-bully-in-boy-meets-world and others of the like want to follow. Game, Set Match, Durden.

Those are only 5 points I could think of, and if you (Wiskey or Jen, the only two that I think read this thing) can come up with any others, feel free to put them up. Either way, I think Durden wins, though Derek definitely should get more credit than he deserves.

Anyhoo, I'm going to hope I fall asleep soon while watching X and then I'm gonna get through work and get my drink on the companies dime tomorrow night. And then I'm going to regret using the word Anyhoo. Twice.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Oh, You Want A Bag Of Money? Well Here You Go Ashlee. Ride Those Coat Tails.



I was thinking today while I was in the office for the second straight 12+ hour day, sitting back in my chair thinking of my next evil plan, about how many people get by without really doing anything. To be a musician all you have to do is make cool song titles or know someone who can make you cool song titles. Take Van Morrison for instance. He's got songs like Cyprus Avenue, Astral Weeks, and an album called Avalon Sunset. Now the man is awesome, but if you actually consider who Van Morrison is and listened to his voice, you'll realize he is just a drunk Irish guy with a raspy voice making millions. Hell, give me a bottle of Jameson every night I can (attempt) to do that. Just give me a shot.

Another thing that came to mind while plotting my evil ways are how people my age are WAY more rich than me. Lebron James is only 4 months older than me. Yet he plays sports professionally, has many contracts worth millions of dollars, and has even hosted SNL. I work for sports professionally, have a contract worth 300 bucks a month and have only hosted an annual party that gets rave reviews only past the Bellmawr border, and up here, that's the "wrong" Bellmawr (fuckin' Belmar).

Eh this is just me being a bit frustrated that me working over 12 hours a day pretty much straight isn't producing some moo-lah now while others do relatively little and make tons (or for some who work around me, work relatively little and make the same as me). But, for me, it's hitting the grind stone every day, hoping to find a diamond. I'll find it. But, until then, it's Pearl Jam.


Sunday, October 14, 2007

Mistro Please

Two posts in one night after a several week absence? Strange right?

Anyway, after doing a rant over the comedy and music industry, I'd like to rave about one of my favorite things in music: when bands play with orchestras. It's the best. If those bands i talked about in the last post who charge tons of money used that extra money to tote an orchestra, I'd be slightly less angry at them and possibly praise them. Today I downloaded an Eric Clapton concert with an orchestra and just the other day I was listening to Late Orchestration, Kanye West's concert with an orchestra that is only available in England (Again, being able to download music is an amazing thing). But orchestras, when properly organized, give many songs a punch that is not needed, but it is greatly welcomed. It's like when you go out to a bar and find out that the beer you were craving is a special. Oh hey beer, you're gonna cost less tonight even though I would have payed the normal price for you anyway? Well come on over let me get you acquainted with Mr. Liver. I have to warn you, he's been cranky since 2003, but I'm sure you'll be able to hold your own. Down you go.



So after reading an article about how Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy and Dane Cook are two of the top money making comedians and see how much work they actually did to make those millions, I asked myself, "How much money has to be thrown at someone for them to whore themselves out?" I mean, don't get me wrong, if someone offered me a million bucks to do obnoxiously annoying commercials for TBS, I'd jump that in a second. Then again, I'm a poor grad student who works the night shift in the dorms for a mere 60 bucks. But what is their problems? Dane Cook came out as this edgy guy with funny sayings. Why in hell does he then have to do a shitty movie with Jessica Simpson? Unless unlimited blow jobs from miss Simpson or from any hot bittie for that matter was somehow snuck into his contract, there is no reason he needs to do this movie. Jerry Seinfield did it right. He left his show, which is possibly one of the best sitcoms of all time, because he felt it had run it's course and didn't want to drag it out. Did he move to movies? Nope. He's done one that I know of, that bee movie coming out. He still tours, but in small venues. So even though he's not touring HUGE venues like Cook and the others, where did he land on the top moneymakers from the last year? Number 1. Yep. He let his talent do the work. With Seinfield in syndication on pretty much every channel, he rakes in the millions just chilling in his sweat pants and hagendas ice cream. Does he press for more? Na. Not really. (What I also like about Seinfield is that he got married to a non-movie star and kept his private business private, something celebrities need to do. I'm tired of hearing about Britney's Battle against whatever the hell she is battling now. She could get cancer and I still wouldn't want to hear about it. Unless you're one of my family members or friends or even a casual acquaintance, I don't care.)

It baffles me how much money these people really need. I read a few articles over the past few months about how the music industry is doing terrible because technology allows "jerks like" me download albums for free. Technology is good for music, just not for the industry. I can now go on myspace or youtube and listen to a limitless amount of bands trying to make it big time. And you know what? A good number of these bands are good. I just discovered this band called Window ( check out their cover of Wonderwall, they make it their own in about ten different ways) who are pretty freaking rocking. But they are in Texas. And I am in Staten Island. If it weren't for this technology stealing from those who already have enough, I would never have found their sweet jams. But where does it go from the"I love playing in front of a crowd and enjoy the art of making music." mentality to the I'm charging hundreds of dollars for tickets when you know very well you don't need that extra money? I guess since I'm not even a struggling musician but just simply one who has no talent and only plays in his apartment when no one is around, that I'll never get it why most bands come to this point. And again, I am generalizing. Not all big bands do this. Pearl Jam purposely keeps ticket prices down and saves many of the best seats in the house for their fan club members and even refused to sell tickets through Ticketmaster since they didn't believe in their policies (not really sure why they use them still).

So what do I say to those who say downloading music is wrong. Well, nothing really. I'm still going to do it and I'm still going to enjoy music. Most of my downloads are from bands I would never have bought the album from anyway. If anything, it's helping their cause because now I might buy a concert ticket to their show if I like their music. That's what it's all about anyway, isn't it? Playing in front of a bunch of people who are the reason why you're able to make a living playing music? Thats my understanding of it at least.