Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Today I was supposed to get home from proctoring an exam around the 9PM hour, but due to a grace of god and the kid not knowing what the fuck he was doing, I was out at a brisk 6:30 PM. So what does a red headed guy with free time do? Sleep of course. I napped the shit out of my couch, but for only a half hour. When I awoke, I had one of those comatose feelings you get when you wake up from a largely Nyquil induced slumber. But I'm fully healthy and do not need the quil to aid my sleep, so in the confusion of waking up this way and not having the will or energy to reach the remote while MTV's Made was on, I had a thought: what the hell am I going to watch if the writers strike keeps going like it's expected to.

If you have not noticed, Reality TV is everywhere. And if you have, I hope everyone notices that even Reality TV has writers....because it's not real. But it seems these writers have no morals, most likely because they can't write anything quality enough past a weekend home-remodeling show shown on the CW. These are the Euro-Football writers of the world. We all know they exist, but we'd rather not acknowledge it.

Rather than going on a huge rant about how much I hate Reality TV, I thought I'd keep things on the positive. It is obvious that the writers strike is going to go on for a mega long time, and I reel for them. If I was asked to increase my productivity by 50% while someone made millions, if not billions on my work and I was in the position to do something about it, then I would definitely gather my other talented and humorous friends to get things straight. Plus, my sister said somehow this will help her in the long run, even though she writes for magazines and has a travel guide coming out. Not sure where her logic on this one lies, but I'll trust her. She's 90% smarter than me, though I'm 123.3 more funny than her.

But say this strike goes on for a year. That means all TV shows will completely cease to showing new episodes and by then all movie scripts written before the strike will be made and all that will be left is buddy comedies featuring Carrot Top and Chris Tucker. So instead of fighting the inevitable, like my friend Ian J. wrote about in the previous guest post, I've decided to embrace it by suggesting one thing:

Make reality tv real, but with humorous twists.

Case in point: while watching made, I realized that everyone on this show is either a nerd trying to become popular or a fat girl trying to become a cheerleader. OK, I guess that's entertaining to those in Utah, but why not use shows like that for some good, both for those watching and those participating. How bout doing a Made show for bums. Or illegal immigrants. "I want to be made....into a citizen."

That shit is something everyone can back. If you're not familiar with the MTV show, someone gets this made "coach" that helps them break all these barriers and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da they end up making it in the end because MTV pays the people to put them on the team. But in the REAL versions, why not try to have that Hobo try to get made into a working American. Give him a coach, teach him hygiene, send him out on embarrassing assignments where he knows people will make fun of him, say, make him serve his friends at the soup kitchen so he knows what real work is, not working someones knob for coke. Then, in the grand finally of the show, right where you think the guy has made it, you send him back on his merry way to where he came from, letting him see that he may be able to succeed with the help of people with money, but show him in reality, he's a bum, and he's not going to get anywhere.

That is funny to me. I know some of you (well, not really, since I think it's just Wiskey and Jen reading this) think this is a horrible idea. But at least it gets a hobo some food, money, and hot meals for about 2 months. And you can do this in a number of other styles and drag it out like they do with all other reality shows. Mix and match shows for humorous reasons. Oh hey Britney Spears, you can't shake the crazy? Well here, lets drop her in Oakland with no money and a TV crew and see how she gets her fix. That is funny. Have a celebrity that needs to be knocked down a peg? Make a Reality TV show for it. Can you imagine the potential of putting Justin Long in Camden, NJ? He'll be begging for PC to come save his ass after two days.

So people, stop fighting the good fight, and start taking on what will happen by petitioning for reality tv that will make you laugh and make you cry (from laughing). It will be the only thing that can save us all.

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