I Don't Trust That Blue Dude

Watching the news is scary, kids. I was really bored after taking an orgasmic nap (read couldn’t find the remote and had too many crumbs on my stomach than I think my carpet could handle) so I decided I’d watch the news for some reason. What did I realize you might be asking yourself? Well the world is a scary fucked up place. Recalls here and warnings there. I’m pretty sure one newscaster told me to not use a ballpoint pen because it may give me cancer. Why the fuck would I want to know that? And the problem is most of the time, crazy crack pots believe every single thing they report verbatim. Well you know what? Fuck off. If I jiggle myself three times when taking a pee means I am playing with myself, well guess what, play-ball. I don’t want pee on my pants. If something that I thoroughly enjoy on a daily basis has a 1% of giving me cancer by the time I’m 78, then bring on the cancer. I’ll be surprised if live past 50 anyway with my eating habits. But again, if eating hot dogs everyday makes me die a few days shorter, then I’ll eat the hot dogs. I enjoy them more than lesbians at times.

I guess what it all comes down to is I’m a bit worried what our world is coming to. I’m not talking about the guaranteed apocalypse that will come if Rudolph Juliani is ever voted President since him saying 9/11 over and over again is getting old so I’m assuming he will start a war with anyone who wants to pick a fight so he can say he was governing something during an attack on America. I live in New York now and I think the guy is a major prick. And I think he did a terrible job with 9/11. It’s like saying a rat did a great job with preventing the spread of AIDS throughout my organs while I was slamming that drug infested hooker while it idly watched me throughout my 2.7 minutes of glory. No, it’s called dumb luck.

One of the stories on this news program was about how many retail stores don’t use a good fire-wire on their wireless internet servers and how easy Joe Blow nimrods can break into their systems, steal everyone’s credit cards and go on the biggest porn buying rampage on any innocent by standard’s buck. Then, because I was extremely bored with the story, my mind started straying on to such things about Terminator 2 and how I’m pretty sure the machines will eventually take over soon due to the fact on how stupid we can be sometimes. They are making so many things automatic these days that I’m pretty sure next week they are going to have a computer program that can predict my thoughts. Hell, I’m typing this in word right now and the program is automatically saving my shit incase I fuck something up.

Computers are pretty errorless. It’s the human factor that causes the problems. Why does a computer fail most of the time? It’s not cause of IBM chip in my data processor, it’s because I downloaded too much monkey porn on it. But how long will it be till we start giving computer programs the will and know how to stop us from downloading the monkey porn that is the Herpes of its kind?

I’m not really paranoid. Just bored and tired and annoyed at these fucking douche theatre fucks who keep hitting the same two notes on this piano in the dorm I’m working in right now. Which leads me to my next topic of choice.