Sunday, December 2, 2007

NY Hillbillies

So I almost punched a girl the other day. Yea, I’ve never actually caused painful, non-verbal pain to a girl since fourth grade when I tried telling this fifth grader I liked her by throwing rocks at her. And yes, I have punched my sisters before, but they aren’t girls. Girls are people you want to bang, and if Danny Divito has taught me anything, it’s that banging your sister is wrong. Even Ugos are bangable with the right mixture of alcohol, sedatives and money offers from friends who have too much money and are bored, so that makes them girls too, contrary to my one friend’s belief.

But this cock-gobbler I had to deal with had a good fist full of Mike coming her way. Her name is Linda and she is the sole reason I may be going to prison for murder at the end of one of these soon coming months. Each month, each GA gets their extremely small paycheck and then gets screwed out the ass in taxes for benefits I’ll probably never see. Because of this small, lump sum of cash, it forces us to do other random shit to sustain our drinking habit. This includes me working over night tonight after being up by 7 AM to proctor the LSAT exams. But this bitch is the head human resources department, and she’s fucked my check up every single month.

In August, I gang-raped a bunch of over night sessions in the dorms before my new boss, who is a complete abomination of a human being, came to us from his high and mighty previous job that he “left” (read got the fuck fired). I did all these overnights because I knew that when this time rolled around, the Holiday Season, I would be ultra strapped for cash. So back in those hazy August days, I was never paid. Two nights to be exact. That will total $128, or roughly 3,122.26 Rubel. This is also close to half my normal pay.

So month after month, I would have to trudge my way up to the Human Resources Department and ask why, yet again, I was never paid for those two nights working. Each and every time, I was somewhat polite. People make mistakes. I make them all the time. You should see the typos that fall through my cracks. But I’m learning and am not a professional yet (or at least don’t act like I am). This walking disease has been doing this for over 20 years. And it hasn’t just been my check that has been fucked up. It’s been tons of people’s. So my question is if someone is terrible at their job on a long enough basis, when the hell are they gonna get canned? I also put it into perspective that if put this money into my savings account, I could have earned some extra cash, though not enough to even buy me a beer, but still. It’s extra cash I may most definitely waste some day. But, of course, I can’t charge this whammy for interest.

In the end, I think I just comes down to the fact that I hate anyone born in Staten Island. They never leave and I’m pretty sure are inbred. Why the fuck this is a borough of New York City, which is supposed to be the greatest city in the world but is really only presenting itself to me as a bigger tease than that extremely amazing girl that licked her lips when asking me for a favor, then didn’t even give me a second look when I gave her a pen and was on one knee ready for her to accept my proposal. Fucking Stat Rats.

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